Scientists outline theories behind NCAA picks

In the upcoming scientific journal Nature, TSE scientists discuss in depth the theories and calculations that guided their NCAA tournament bracket selections. Their theories are predicated upon seemingly unimportant details such as campus size, gym temperature, and school rivalaries. Teams of volunteers and a handful of 443tx robots were necessary to sufficiently cover the breadth of the data collection.

Parkway Mac labs was solicited (initially without agreement) to provide the unique technology to process the raw data. Their so called “blue collar” scientists oversaw the processing of the eclectic set of variables such as jersey color, rebound to slam dunk ratio, sneaker sponsor, number of black players, average age of player, cheerleader ratings, three point percentage, pyramid height, and free throw ability. The results of the three month long scientific expedition can be viewed at scientificNCAApicks.com. It is noted in the conclusion that the scientists were requested to withhold their results until moments prior to the start of the tournament to avoid the likely scenario where amassive amounts of capital ventures are initiated predicated on their findings. Having declared midway through experiment that scientific freedom was to be considered the uttermost priority it is highly doubtful that the TSE scientists gave the request any heeding. “It is only coincidence”, the lead scientist proclaimed convincingly at the heavily attended Doubletree reception, “that our thesis was delivered twenty minutes before the first tipoff. “

VIDEO: It is a modern-day sabre-tooth tiger with fearsome fangs capable of killing its prey in a single bite. This clouded leopard which feasts on monkeys, deer and pigs has been discovered living deep in the Borneo rain forest.

Video…see the clouded leopard in its natural habitat
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New species: The Bornean clouded leopard

Today is officially (according to someone) Pi Day. March 14. How clever indeed.

Anyway, to celebrate, check out the official website. Be sure to see what Pi to the millionth digit looks like.

Carla and Winston Burken said they planned to go ahead with invitro vertilization despite concerns that genetic similarities between the two married cousins could cause undesireable results. When questioned about the possibility of giving birth to a retarded child Carla dismissed the concern as being overblown. “It wouldn’t be the first in the family” she reportedly said, later adding “Every child birth is a roll of the dice and we’ve been lucky so far.  In nine months there’s a good chance we’ll all be shouting Yahtzee!”

Nasa and 24 Hour Fitness collaborate to introduce tread mill for the morbidly obese .

The steel framed structure measures in at an awe inspiring 6,000 pounds.

Owners of the popular nation wide smoothie chain annouced on Monday a new addition to their selection of boosts. Starting next month customers will be able to select a Salvia boost in addition to the popular “vita” and “protein” boosts. The company’s ceo Harvey “Jamba Man” Heitzburgerman said he was excited about the new boost and proclaimed that customers would “trip” over it. Whether the boost replaces the “vita” boost as the most requested boost remains to be seen. New developments will be outlined in The Science Experiment’s three part series titled “The Science of the Smoothie”

Stunning. Dramatic. Mind Boggling, Words and phrases not often part of a scientist’s lexicon were used by the scientific community to describe the work of five UCSD based scientists studying the effects of rolling pin desensitation therapy. The expensive and very challenging study was performed earlier this year by Hu Lee, Chi Hang, and Jim Baker at the La Jolla institution of higher learning. The results (shown in numerous pie charts and graphs) decisively and dramatically proved that engaging in prolonged rolling pin desensitization resulted in improved leg kicks and checks. At a nearly 7 to 4 ratio participants experienced increased ability to kick some one as well as defend against an opponents kick. Participants also expressed a greater willingness to drink alcohol in additon to having an interest in playing music at high volume. Anticipation has grow as the date nears when the scientists (excluding scientist Baker) are expected to complete phase two of the experiment which looks at the relationship between rolling pin desensitiation and temperature.

Here’s a little tune inspired by a sign in the window of a downtown cafe.
Artist: Bobby Shadoxx
donuts-coffee-fried-chicken.mp3